


It Goes Like This

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Eating Disorders, Ford Takes Nutrient Pills, Gen, Grunkle Ford Has Issues, I really like projecting my issues onto these characters, Stan is worried, Takes place on the Stan O'War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8641141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It goes like this: It's not about Ford anymore--he's just surviving so Stan has a chance to live.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This lil thing is something I've been wanting to do since Alex's and Dana's stream, wherein they said that Ford takes nutrient pills instead of eating. Since I can relate--I'm recovering from my own eating disorder--I've been writing this story to portray some of these emotions in Ford.

It goes like this: Take a pill, fake a smile, say “Thank you.” Pick at the plate in front of him, pretend he knows how to eat. Feel his insides twist horribly, like some kind of serpent, when his twin stares at him with mounting concern. Stand abruptly, pretend he’s confident, leave the table. Not hungry, never hungry, just keep taking pills.

It goes like this: Realize his clothes are baggy, shrug, and slip the sweater on anyway. Pretend he’s not underweight, know this is how he has to live to survive, because he has to survive, it’s all about surviving. Ignore the worried looks, the agitation, the half-started right-wrong mumbled-shouted sentences that don’t quite leave the mouth of his other half.

It goes like this: Say that he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine, hesfinehesfinehesfine but he’s not fine and he knows he’s not fine but at the same time his twin shouldn’t be concerned with him, no, he needs to be concerned about Stan, Stan’s problems are more important, he’s just surviving but Stan needs to live because he needs to make it all up to Stan, who gave him everything and more and he just took everything and took everything and took everything from Stan, so now he’s giving it back and he has no time to focus on his own worthless needs.

It goes like this: Laugh for him not with him, he’s doing this for him, he doesn’t matter, not anymore. He’s mattered far too much in the last sixty-eight years and now it’s Stan’s turn even though they only have maybe twenty years left, and it’s hard to make up seventy years in only twenty but he has to try, he has to because he loves him.

It goes like this: Whisper-sob to his twin after blacking out, world still spinning before his eyes, that he doesn’t matter like Stan matters, that he’s just surviving because it’s Stan’s turn.

It goes like this: A warm hug, a hug that he doesn’t deserve, a murmur of, “Oh, Sixer,” a rough laugh, and the assurance that he does matter, he matters so much, he is so so important and so so loved, and Jesus when did he become so skinny, why haven’t you been eating, this is a problem, and the look of frantic desperation on his twin’s face as he slowly realizes that this isn’t normal.

It goes like this: Mumble about survival and focusing on Stan because he needs to make it up, something about his nutrient pills, and watch the confusion on Stan’s face turn into fear--why fear?--before it settles into resolve and he says “Come on, Stanford, let’s get you some  _ real _ food.”

It goes like this: Choke down half a sandwich but his stomach is so small because when’s the last time he ate real food? And Stan just nods and says, “You’ll get used to it,” and he smiles,

And it goes like this: Feeling like he’s not normal, knowing that he’s sick, but also knowing that he matters and he doesn’t have to just survive anymore, but he can live, he can live with Stan on this boat on the ocean without a portal and a million lightyears and four decades of anger between them.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you liked this, and check out my other stories if you haven't already!


End file.
